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The Americorner: Christmas Cancelled? The CENTA Free Trade Agreement between the EU and North Pole Region Narrowly Avoids Collapse

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Christmas is very important for EU-NP trade relations. Source: Richard Fabi

Ryan Minett

After years of negotiation, CENTA (Comprehensive European/Northern-Atlantic Trade Agreement), a Free Trade Agreement between the European Union and the North Pole, appeared to be in jeopardy after Belgium was temporarily unable to secure the backing necessary to sign on. Belgium has reportedly been under heavy pressure from the French-speaking region of Wallonia who have decided that they cannot support this agreement. North Pole’s Prime Minister Mr S. Claus was to fly in Thursday morning to sign the agreement in Brussels, but had to postpone due to the unexpected delay. The Head Ambassador of the North Pole, a Mr Patrius Palivius Elf, comments on the situation, “This is obviously disappointing, but with enough spirit, I believe that we can pull this deal off.”

Indeed across Europe many are praising Walloon’s resistance to CENTA, saying that CENTA gives too much power to large corporations. Speaking on the Clause in question, Wallonia’s minister-president, Paul Magnette, said “This trade agreement gives too much power to the big boss and does not do enough to protect the little people.” Working conditions in the North Pole are notoriously poor with long working hours, minimal time off, and deplorably small living quarters.

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The Euroculturer’s undercover reporter had trouble adjusting: Source: Elf (2003)

Our undercover investigative journalist brings to light even more possible violations as the working population is force fed sugar to keep them active and working, and the school systems are dangerously close to propaganda. A report from Amnesty International speaks to the schooling system conditions, saying that the students “sing nationalistic songs, praise their glorious leader, and wear demeaning uniforms all day, every day.”

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The environmental impact of the North Pole Factory Operations has also been a source of opposition for left leaning Europeans. Source: U.S. Navy photo by Chief Yeoman Alphonso Braggs

Despite these allegations and Wallonia’s resistance, the delay is now over and the agreement seems to be back on track. A relieved Juncker commented on the situation, “Honestly, with everything that has happened in the last few months, it’s just nice to have a win for the EU.”

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Streets of the downtown Brussels decorated for the upcomming Christmas- Just in time for CENTA. Source: Mstyslav Chernov

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